Life's an Adventure

It's always sad when you discover that the people you held on a pedestal aren't who you thought they were. It's usually no particular surprise to me when celebrities dethrone themselves, whether by addiction (as with the shocking and unexpected fall of Robert Downy, Jr. at the hand of cocaine), by going absolutely nuts (as with the recently shorn Britney), or by just showing how truly horrible they are when you actually have to come in contact with them (as with Charles Barkley spitting on a little girl, throwing a man through a window, and admitting to squandering over $10 million in gambling). But today, I was taken aback as I realized one of my heroes has been living a lie....

There I stood, practicing my Scottish accent for a prank I was going to play on one of my unsuspecting buddies back at Mustang with Dave, another from the honorable rank of Electrical Engineers. Dave hails from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, the Northern-most city in England which is close to the Scottish Borders. The Newcastle accent (called "Jordie") is a strange mix of English and Scottish accents - strong enough to qualify as a brogue, but tame enough for you to have a slight idea of what they're saying. It's charming in its own right, but today, the Jordie tongue took on a whole new dimension for me.

I would practice my Scottish, and Dave would give me feedback, thinking of funny and slightly off-putting things to say to my unsuspecting victim. But one of the things he said caught me in an odd way and threw me back, wondering where I'd heard it before.... I can't even remember what he said, but I knew where I'd heard it...from Bond, James Bond. I've been wondering the whole time I've been here where exactly Sean Connery's accent comes from. I've gotten pretty good at telling where people come by their accent, and while I knew Mr. Connery theoretically comes from Edinburgh, he definitely doesn't have an Edinburgh accent. Nor does he have a Glasgow "Weegie" accent, an Aberdonian Doric accent, or a Highland Brogue. So what's with his accent? Here's what: HE'S A JORDIE!!!! Aaaaaughhh, it hurts. It hurts deep, but it's true. And if he actually is Scottish (who knows at this point) then he comes from the Borders, but it matters little at this point. The accent I have come to love, admire, and mock for cheap laughs is a farce.

I know you're probably vomiting and convulsing right now and I'm sorry to do this to you, dear reader, but it's better this way. Trust me laddie....