Lifetime Love of Learning

Since I was pregnant with Dexter I have been thinking about what type of education I would most like my child(ren) to have.  I know, I'm a big nerd, but stay with me here.
My ultimate goal, I said, was that my child would have a lifetime love of learning.  I wasn't sure, and am still not fully sure, if that means public or private school, Classical or homeschool, but I am absolutely sure that if it doesn't foster and build a love of learning in my child, then it just isn't best for our child.

Dorthy Sayers has an excellent article about Classical Education, called The Lost Tools of Learning, that I highly recommend reading.  I am really compelled by some of the issues she brings up, but for her, education doesn't start until age 6+.

That's where Montessori comes in for me.  Maria Montessori originally came up with her philosophy of education in studying methods that were successful with some of Italy's poorest children.  What she found was that intelligence wasn't dependent on income or family structure, but instead found that all young children had the capacity to be naturally curious and, if set free in the right environment with the right boundaries, then every child had the ability to learn and to acquire a love of learning.

The video above is a fun representation of what I am trying to convey.

What is so cool about a true Montessori classroom is the children have set manipulatives they go through, puzzles, games, life skills, etc., that all feel like games and free play for the child.  It taps into the toddler's desire for order (every manipulative they use has a set way you play with it) but also taps into their natural curiosity.

Now, beware that all Montessori is not created equal!!  If you are looking at Montessori school for your child know that all AMI schools are excellent and some AMS schools are good.  If they don't have either of these certifications, than they are not really Montessori (here is a great news story that shares a little about the importance of certification).  Now, don't be scared away by the school website either.  It almost says more about the school if their website is terrible.  Montessori schools aren't traditionally big on technology.

I'll post a few more blogs about this because we have just decided to enrol Dexter in an AMI school here in Houston.  I'll let you know if it is anything like we hope!

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This article is so good, I am cutting and pasting the whole thing here.  Yes, you can go to the link, but deep down I am keeping a blog so I can print it out on day on blurb.com and I'm going to need this text right here.  This is good, really good.


Carpe Karios for me!

Don't Carpe Diem    

Glennon Melton

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.

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One of Those Sweet Moments

The last few weeks haven't been the easiest.  But today I said "no" to errands, meeting up with friends, or anything that would take me out of the house or would keep me too busy to really play with the kids.  We've read a million books, built train tracks, made pretend cakes, and done a million other little things this morning. 

The highlight was watching the two boys play this morning.  It started with Dexter blowing raspberries to Maxwell.  Maxwell would laugh so hard each time Dexter blew his spit bubbles and that just encouraged Dexter to keep it up.  Here is what I caught on camera (how lucky was I that it was right next to us?  This never happens!) 

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Playing

Well, my boys are growing up! My first baby is building with legos and creating elaborate scenarios for his toys. Maxwell is sitting up and even army crawling across the floor.  Don't they all just want to snuggle on my shoulder and smile at me?

Time to gear up for the wild times I forsee in my near future. Glad we invested in the deluxe first aid kit...! I have a feeling we may need it.

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A Team of World Changing Women

 

I've been travelling around Houston the past few months putting on Noonday Collection Trunk Shows, and can I just say I have been having the experience of my life?

I have never been a salesperson per se, but my Myers Briggs personality type is the "activist", so I guess I shouldn't be surprised how exciting and life-giving this leap of faith has been for me and my family.

First, I couldn't escape Isaiah 58.  Everywhere I turned it was coming up -- on that random sermon I heard, referenced in that book I read, the keynote passage at a women's conference (thanks Jen Hatmaker...my new best friend.  I don't think she knows it, but she is!).  God has definitely been trying to get a message through to me.  Living a life that just seeks to gain more blessing and more holiness for myself, while neglecting (or even actively participating in!) those who are oppressed and impoverished around me is not what He wants.  I have "known" this, but knowing and doing are two different hings!

Now, being a part of Noonday, it is a part of my every day life.  Through the ambassador community I am around a group of women actively thinking of creative ways to link our giftings with others' needs, which has truly been life changing.  I feel alive and as if all those things I have somewhat known can now can be put to use!

A friend just sent out a save the date for a Noonday show coming up and she said it this way:

God has been awesomely at work in many around me including one of my good friends, Whitney Ray. She has become a part of the Noonday team which works to eliminate poverty and encourage adoption through US sales. What began as a way to raise money for a Ugandan adoption in Austin, TX has blossomed under God's guidance.

That's the awesome thing about Noonday Collection.  It is using something as fun and accessible as jewelry and accessories as a platform for great change! 

Also, since the company is so new, I am getting to be a part of shaping the training and get to shape the show to meet my market and personality.  I love that independence and authenticity! 

We just heard about the new plans for the early part of 2012 and I am brimming with excitement.  You know, when you start something new, it is easy to let the fears well up and take over.  But, now that I am a few months in, the fears are fading away and pure excitement is taking its place.  Here's why:

• I get to style women and make them feel beautiful and confident!
• I get to share how their purchases really are changing communities around the world.  For some customers it is the first time they have heard about women being abandoned because of the HIV status, or how children are exploited because their parents lack meaningful work -- it is wonderful to share the problem, but also offer an accessible step towards a solution! 
• I get the chance to share about the "new frontier" of international aid that seeks to help without hurting (Have you read When Helping Hurts?) 
• Noonday Collection has great connections in the international aid department and is teaming up with IJM, Food for the Hungry, and others to effect even greater change
• The founder, Jessica Honegger, passionately loves the Lord and passionately believes in prayer and creative approaches to caring for the least of these. 
• A book club is starting for ambassadors this year where we can all learn and be challenged together.  First book up, When Helping Hurts!
• The initial financial investment is paying off and money is coming into our family!  We have felt led to put this money back into organizations we have wanted to support (Compassion International, Bridges International, and others) and are so thankful we have the funds to do this through Noonday.
• The artisans around the world are on my mind...constantly.  I think about them as I prepare and put on each and every show.  Being committed to Noonday means I am committed to providing a market for the artisans and each show and each contact I make isn't for me, it is for them and their families.

Is all of this making a difference?  Yes...times a million!  This is so real guys, and so truly authentic and transparent, I love it.  I could go on forever, but if you want to know more, just shoot me an email.

Want to see what i mean?  Read this blog post entitled Your Purchases Matter by Krista Box, another Noonday Ambassador.  She visited our artisan group in Uganda this past November and saw first hand the artisans Noonday's sales support.  Be ready to be blown away!

Also, watch this CNN video about a group we represent in Ecuador.  Andean Collection Sows Seeds of Hope.  *We will have exclusive Noonday Collection designs from this group in our Spring/Summer 2012 line!

Ok, I tried to be succinct, but you know me!  We only have Ambassadors in a few cities, so if you are interested, you could be the first one in your area.  Let me know as I can answer lots of questions and point you in the right direction.  ***Disclaimer -- I am not trying to "build a team" as Noonday isn't set up like that, I am just really enjoying this and want to expand the marketplace for the artisans!***

Let me know!

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The Return of the Sabbath!

The last few months have been hard for us.  Maxwell and Dexter have both been sick and this kicked off the start of at least of month of sleepless nights for me.  One of the kids has been awake every 1-2 hours for at least the past 4 weeks.  Oh sleeplessness...a form of torture. : )  We are adjusting to Sander's new job and the changes that brings.  I am trying to grow and upkeep my Noonday Collection business.  We've been updating the downstairs bathroom.  We are researching and visiting new Montessori schools for Dexter. And we are learning more and more about the poor and the oppressed and want to begin to make some major changes in our lifestyle.

All of this is mixed in with daily life and our previous commitments.  Sheesh. 

Last night Sander and I looked at each other and said, "we really need a regular date night."  It is easy to get lost in the emails and left-over to-do list at the end of the day and feel further from your spouse bit by bit.

But then I realized something today.  We don't need a date night, we need a sabbath!

This was all kicked off by an email that Jessica, the founder of Noonday Collection, sent all the ambassadors yesterday.  She was laying out the plan for 2012, but began it all by encouraging us to remember to:  “Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10 ESV)

What a timely reminder!  At times it can be overwhelming to see the hardship around the world and want to do any and everything to "fix it".  It can be hard to look around my house and want to do anything and everything to provide the best environment and instruction for my children.  It can be hard to hear each email *ding* on my phone and not immediately stop everything because you might be needed by another.

So, what is Sabbath?  Well, that could be a whole other blog post and there are many opinions on this issue.  The short answer that I think is indicated in Scripture describes the Sabbath as a time of working 6 days and resting the 7th.  When God gave his plan to Israel for how He thought life would operate best, He set up a Sabbath every 7 days for the people, He set up a Sabbath every 7 years for the land, and He set up a release from all debts and binding contracts every 50 years.  It seems as though He had an idea that people and the earth can't be pushed to the limit.  I really agree.  I can power through and produce some great short term results if I work in my own effort, but long term I burn out and loose focus.

Lots of things will be changing for us February 1, and number one on the list is to start recognizing a Sabbath again in our house.  I am toying with the idea of no email or cell phone...thoughts?

And looking back at Isaiah 58, the chapter that I can't avoid, Sabbath is straight up mentioned.  Right after telling the people about all the oppression going on and God's heart to alleviate it, Isaiah leaves them with the reminder that it isn't all about work: 

“If you turn back your foot from the Sabbath,
  from doing your pleasure on my holy day,
 and call the Sabbath a delight
  and the holy day of the LORD honorable;
 if you honor it, not going your own ways,
  or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly;
 then you shall take delight in the LORD,
  and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth;
 I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father,
  for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”
(Isaiah 58:13-14 ESV)

And can I just say that I love working for a company that the first reminder and encouragement by the founder is to not push ourselves to the limit, but to take time to stop, rest, and seek the Lord!  (Seriously guys, if you are at all interested in learning more about becoming an ambassador, let me know.  I love my job more every month and am so excited about learning more through our trainings and book club coming up.  I've got a blog coming soon all about this!)

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Maxwell "Crawling"

My computer refuses to upload videos, but I got my phone to upload this video we took of Maxwell this weekend!  I was a little confused about the year...2009, 2012, whatever!

Enjoy!

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Sensory Integration

Ever since Dexter first made his first appearance he has been what others would call a "sensitive" baby. I remember telling (the few and the brave) babysitters that you need to be sure and hold him "just like this" and be sure you "don't do X, Y, Z, and ZZ, and ZZZ..." I think some people thought I was just a little overprotective and a crazy first time mom, that is until they were alone with Dexter and saw how things would set him off.

I remember being furious with Sander in the early mornings because he dared blow his nose in the house because it would wake Dexter up.  Sander started having breakfast in the laundry room as it was the only room he could make even a little noise without waking Dexter up. Getting him to sleep was a crazy endeavour and the Moby was one of the only ways he would ever really get into deep sleep.

At the time we thought it was because of his reflux issues, and yes, I am sure some of it was.  But knowing what we do now, it all makes a little more sense.

As the months went by and the reflux became more and more a thing of the past, we still had some lingering problems. Dexter just would not/will not fall asleep easily, and when he does, he will wake up throughout the night. In the toddler room at church I remember the nursery worker asking if he played rough with daddy at home because he was tackling all the kids, even before he was really walking. And at Mother's Day Out, Dexter never had artwork hanging when they used finger paints as he would refuse to paint with the other kids.

Then year two arrived and with it some larger issues.  Dexter loves, Loves, LOVES his friends (talks about them constantly and gets incredibly excited to see them) but when we had play dates with certain children, disasters ensued.  He would almost attack the quiet kids in his efforts to get them to play rough with him.  At the park he would walk past children we didn't know and hit them with his shoulder to make them fall down, completely unprovoked, and at church he was almost kicked out of the 2 year old room at MOPS because he was sent to time out 10+ times in one day.

Sander and I were at our wits.  We had read the books, we had talked to the grandparents, we met with well respected parents of older children, we even had a few suggestions he may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or need counseling.  As we had no clue what to do, we really were ready to do whatever we needed to, yet I just had this feeling that things weren't as bad as all that.

I saw Dexter all the time and knew that he wasn't angry inside due to some instability at home, I knew he was eating well, napping great, and absolutely loved his brother, his family, and his friends.  Especially as he began to talk more and I saw more of his heart, I knew things just weren't as bad as his behavior in public seemed to indicate.  One of the things he began to share, unprompted, would be on every drive to Mother's Day Out.  Every week he would say, "Mommy, I be nice to my friends today.  Mommy, I obey my teacher.  My friends waiting on me?  They miss me?  I be nice." And he would repeat that several more times.  Then, when I picked him up, he would sadly say, "I not nice to my friends today, I say 'sorry'."

My heart was broken. In a million pieces.

I saw my sweet, tender hearted little boy know the good he ought to do yet somehow seemed physically incapable to doing it.

So, the first week in December Sander and I began to pray about it.  Yes, we had prayed about certain issues along the way, but this time we were truly desperate.  We had no idea what to do and I was at the point I didn't even want to leave the house for fear of what the next issue would be.  By Friday of that week we had a glimmer of hope, and by the next Friday we had a clear answer with results!

This doesn't happen every day and are we so thankful for the quick and clear answer!

On Friday of that week, Sander's first week at his new job, we attended his group's small work Christmas party.  There I met the wife of one of the few people Sander had gotten to know over the past 5 days, and as I asked what she did, I instantly knew that she was the answer.  She was a pediatric occupational therapist (someone I had been reading about that week online) and yes she worked with children that had issues like Dexter, and yes her office (NTS if you want to look it up!) was 5min from my house.  What!?!

So, in we went and had an evaluation and found out that Dexter is textbook for  Proprioceptive Sensory Integration Disorder.  Basically, he is seeking deep physical input to help him feel calm and grounded.  Here are a few things it looks like, taken from the website I just linked:

Signs Of Proprioceptive Dysfunction:

 
If they are under responsive to proprioceptive input (i.e. sensory seeking) they will...

walk to hard, push too hard, bang too hard write too hard, play with objects too hard, etc.

be the loud ones, rough ones, crashers, movers, shakers, runners, jumpers, and bouncers (i.e. an insatiable bundle of energy!)

play too rough (often hurting himself or others), jump off of or crash into ANYTHING he can

crack his knuckles, chew on his fingers, bite his nails until they bleed, chew on pens, gum, pencils, clothing collars, sleeves, or strings, or inedible objects (i.e. paper clips, pieces of toys etc.)

Um, yes!  And it explains the obsession with the pacifier too!

The therapist ran him through a whole set of activities and I saw things I didn't even realize were there.  One was Dexter's aversion to certain textures.  He refused to put his hand in rice, which I never noticed.  When we played with rice before he would always use spoons or cups, I never knew it was because he didn't want to actually touch the rice.  He also refused to touch shaving cream, which explains why he would never play with finger paint.  And, not only does he not like these textures, but having to interact with textures on a daily basis that he doesn't like leaves him irritable and unable to calm down at bed time.  I had no idea it was due to something like that!

Here is the absolutely amazing and great news -- this is something easy to cope with!  You never grow out of sensory issues (I mean, Sander and I definitely have some of our own!) but you just learn to deal with them.  The biggest and best news for us as parents is since now we know this is the root cause of the erratic behavior we can respond with heavy work activities, tight hugs, or playfully rolling him around if he starts to get too physical and not with harsh discipline.

And, this is something I can pass on to teachers so they can redirect Dexter in the right way and not get into a situation where he needs to be put in timeout 10X in a few hours.  There are also some things we can do at home before we go out and see friends.  We have a trampoline and we wrestle in the living room lots!  Sander has started taking Dexter outside each night to play football and practice his tackling, and the result has been a calm and happy child.  Everyone who has seen him recently has remarked at how different his behavior is.

So, I hope there is one mom out there that this encourages.  One mom who reads this and this is her answer to her prayer about her child. 

We are just so happy to see the sweet boy we always knew we had suddenly gain the capacity to share his sweet nature with his friends.  This kid loves life and loves others and now, with a few more bear hugs, he can live live to the fullest!

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Thankful for Take Out!

It has been one of those weeks.  Nothing devastating has happened, but the nights without sleep, the sick kids, the fussy toddler, the pile of laundry and dishes that just never seem to disappear, last minute trips to the doctor...all of that can add up to a long, long week.  So, when a friend dropped Zoe's kitchen on the porch today and I was able to nap with the kids and wake up to hot food on my porch -- it really was too good to be true. 

Sure, we could have scrounged a sandwich together or even egg in the hole, but to not have to prep or clean a single dish and have food for everyone that included items from the whole food pyramid (not just the carb side!), it really was a blessing.

We were never meant to go this alone guys.  It is days like today that I am so thankful for friends, for the brokenness I've had to be able to say "yes" when someone offers (isn't that half the battle??), and thankful for Zoe's Kitchen...yum!

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