Ever since Dexter first made his first appearance he has been what others would call a "sensitive" baby. I remember telling (the few and the brave) babysitters that you need to be sure and hold him "just like this" and be sure you "don't do X, Y, Z, and ZZ, and ZZZ..." I think some people thought I was just a little overprotective and a crazy first time mom, that is until they were alone with Dexter and saw how things would set him off.
I remember being furious with Sander in the early mornings because he dared blow his nose
in the house because it would wake Dexter up. Sander started having breakfast in the laundry room as it was the only room he could make even a little noise without waking Dexter up. Getting him to sleep was a crazy endeavour and the Moby was one of the only ways he would ever really get into deep sleep.
At the time we thought it was because of his reflux issues, and yes, I am sure some of it was. But knowing what we do now, it all makes a little more sense.
As the months went by and the reflux became more and more a thing of the past, we still had some lingering problems. Dexter just would not/will not fall asleep easily, and when he does, he will wake up throughout the night. In the toddler room at church I remember the nursery worker asking if he played rough with daddy at home because he was tackling all the kids, even before he was really walking. And at Mother's Day Out, Dexter never had artwork hanging when they used finger paints as he would refuse to paint with the other kids.
Then year two arrived and with it some larger issues. Dexter loves, Loves, LOVES his friends (talks about them constantly and gets incredibly excited to see them) but when we had play dates with certain children, disasters ensued. He would almost attack the quiet kids in his efforts to get them to play rough with him. At the park he would walk past children we didn't know and hit them with his shoulder to make them fall down, completely unprovoked, and at church he was almost kicked out of the 2 year old room at MOPS because he was sent to time out 10+ times in one day.
Sander and I were at our wits. We had read the books, we had talked to the grandparents, we met with well respected parents of older children, we even had a few suggestions he may have
oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or need counseling. As we had no clue what to do, we really were ready to do whatever we needed to, yet I just had this feeling that things weren't as bad as all that.
I saw Dexter all the time and knew that he wasn't angry inside due to some instability at home, I knew he was eating well, napping great, and absolutely loved his brother, his family, and his friends. Especially as he began to talk more and I saw more of his heart, I knew things just weren't as bad as his behavior in public seemed to indicate. One of the things he began to share, unprompted, would be on every drive to Mother's Day Out. Every week he would say, "Mommy, I be nice to my friends today. Mommy, I obey my teacher. My friends waiting on me? They miss me? I be nice." And he would repeat that several more times. Then, when I picked him up, he would sadly say, "I not nice to my friends today, I say 'sorry'."
My heart was broken. In a million pieces.
I saw my sweet, tender hearted little boy know the good he ought to do yet somehow seemed physically incapable to doing it.
So, the first week in December Sander and I began to pray about it. Yes, we had prayed about certain issues along the way, but this time we were truly desperate. We had no idea what to do and I was at the point I didn't even want to leave the house for fear of what the next issue would be. By Friday of that week we had a glimmer of hope, and by the next Friday we had a clear answer with results!
This doesn't happen every day and are we so thankful for the quick and clear answer!
On Friday of that week, Sander's first week at his new job, we attended his group's small work Christmas party. There I met the wife of one of the few people Sander had gotten to know over the past 5 days, and as I asked what she did, I instantly knew that she was the answer. She was a pediatric occupational therapist (someone I had been reading about that week online) and yes she worked with children that had issues like Dexter, and yes her office (
NTS if you want to look it up!) was 5min from my house. What!?!
So, in we went and had an evaluation and found out that Dexter is textbook for Proprioceptive Sensory Integration Disorder. Basically, he is seeking deep physical input to help him feel calm and grounded. Here are a few things it looks like, taken from the website I just linked:
Signs Of Proprioceptive Dysfunction:
If they are under responsive to
proprioceptive input (i.e. sensory seeking) they will...
walk to hard, push too hard, bang too hard write too hard, play with objects
too hard, etc.
be the loud ones, rough ones, crashers, movers, shakers, runners, jumpers,
and bouncers (i.e. an insatiable bundle of energy!)
play too rough (often hurting himself or others), jump off of or crash into
ANYTHING he can
crack his knuckles, chew on his fingers, bite his nails until they bleed,
chew on pens, gum, pencils, clothing collars, sleeves, or strings, or inedible
objects (i.e. paper clips, pieces of toys etc.)
Um, yes! And it explains the obsession with the pacifier too!
The therapist ran him through a whole set of activities and I saw things I didn't even realize were there. One was Dexter's aversion to certain textures. He refused to put his hand in rice, which I never noticed. When we played with rice before he would always use spoons or cups, I never knew it was because he didn't want to actually touch the rice. He also refused to touch shaving cream, which explains why he would never play with finger paint. And, not only does he not like these textures, but having to interact with textures on a daily basis that he doesn't like leaves him irritable and unable to calm down at bed time. I had no idea it was due to something like that!
Here is the absolutely amazing and great news -- this is something easy to cope with! You never grow out of sensory issues (I mean, Sander and I definitely have some of our own!) but you just learn to deal with them. The biggest and best news for us as parents is since now we know this is the root cause of the erratic behavior we can respond with
heavy work activities, tight hugs, or playfully rolling him around if he starts to get too physical and not with harsh discipline.
And, this is something I can pass on to teachers so they can redirect Dexter in the right way and not get into a situation where he needs to be put in timeout 10X in a few hours. There are also some things we can do at home before we go out and see friends. We have a trampoline and we wrestle in the living room lots! Sander has started taking Dexter outside each night to play football and practice his tackling, and the result has been a calm and happy child. Everyone who has seen him recently has remarked at how different his behavior is.
So, I hope there is one mom out there that this encourages. One mom who reads this and this is
her answer to her prayer about her child.
We are just so happy to see the sweet boy we always knew we had suddenly gain the capacity to share his sweet nature with his friends. This kid loves life and loves others and now, with a few more bear hugs, he can live live to the fullest!
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