Dexter's a Goldfish!

In mid-June, Dexter passed his first swim class as a guppy! He has been going to Houston Swim Club and we had quite the two weeks.  This was the first time that Dexter was really adamant he would not participate.  He's usually the first to jump in to whatever is going on!

Each day he would say how much he didn't want to go and that he didn't want to get his head wet, but then, after the class he would beam and say how much fun he had.  Telling my crying child that they must go into swim class day after day was so hard, but he was so proud when he was done!  Dexter and I both learned a lot -- I as a mom learned what I could say to encourage and empower him, and Dexter is well on his way to swimming by himself!

Mostly I took videos, but here are a few of the pictures.

Floating on his back with Mr. Corey

Down the slide and on to the raft as a reward (Dexter hated the slide most of all though!)

 

Beaming!!  Passed the Guppy stage, on to Goldfish!

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Montessori Mother's Day

I forgot my camera in the car at the Earth Day celebration, but not so for the Mother's Day celebration (which was on Dexter's actual birthday, by the way).

This is Dexter's class reciting a poem they memorized.  Each class memorized a different poem and shared it with the moms.  The look on Dexter's face when he saw Maxwell and I were in the crowd was priceless.  You could see he was worried, "is she here?" Then once he spotted me he lit up!

Then we got to plant a special flower together in a pot Dexter had decorated. 

Here he is with a friend from class.

 

He was so proud!

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Mother's Day 2012

Mother's Day 2012.  Wow.  This year I am a mother to TWO children.  It is such an honor and such a huge responsibility knowing that I am the person that has the biggest effect on their future.  Will they rise up and call me blessed, or will they go to counseling to undo all the mistakes I made/will make?  I am sure it will be some combination of the two!

Each year the "kids" write me a poem for Mother's Day, and this year Sander surprised me by writing it on the mat surrounding a picture we took at Thanksgiving.  Dexter drew each member of our family around the edge and I love it more than words can say!

This year I want to share a few lists with you, but first I have to share the day that I first became a mom.

May 10th, 2009 was Mother's Day and I gave birth to my first baby boy at 2:00pm.  It was the perfect first Mothers' day present!  Thank you for coming into my life and completely turning everything on its head.  You have changed me for the better and I am so thankful for you!

And this is the day after I gave birth to my second baby boy.  He is the baby who has added so much happiness to our family.  We had no idea that we were capable of loving two babies as much as we do, but with your arrival in our life, the love has just grown and grown!

Now for those lists.

Before I had children, here were the things I loved and valued most:

• Sleep!  Any and all sleep!  Sleeping in was sleeping for 10+ hours and I loved every second of it.
• Vacations!  I loved travelling with Sander, and we sure did a lot of in our early years of marriage.
• Leisurely Saturday mornings of brunch, Wait! Wait! Don't Tell me and naps.
• House projects.  Sander and I loved fixing up our old house together.  He was the mastermind and I was the creative director.
• Spending time with friends.  Going out last minute for a late dinner was no big deal and we did it all the time.

Now, those were just a few of the things that we did that made me "happy".  When Dexter was still in utero, these came to a sharp halt.  There was no slow detox phase -- I had to give all of them up cold turkey.  Not only did I have to learn to be a mom for the first time, I also had to care for a sensitive baby with severe reflux.  At the time, and even until recently, there was part of me that was still mourning the loss of that list above, especially sleep.

But I am finally coming to the realization that the list of things that I love and value now so far outweighs the first list that I have just been wasting time feeling sad for myself.  I had to share this list for myself just as much as with whoever is reading.  They may seem like small, meaningless things, but these things have brought more joy to my life than all the places I have every travelled or all the money I have ever earned.  I want to remember these tiny moments always.

What I love and value now that I am a mom:

• The weight of my baby's tired head resting on my shoulder when only I can comfort him
• The way that your face lit up as you came to chose me as your friend to help pass out muffins at your 3rd Montessori birthday.  This will probably be the last year you choose me over your friends.
• The way you tell your dad that the baby is probably crying "because mommy isn't there to watch over him".
• The way my baby plays with my fingers and holds me so tight when I go and nurse him at night.
• The way your face lights up with joy when I spin you around on the grass and you ask for me to do it again, and again, and again, and again.
• The way that little errands around town become adventures through your eyes.
• The way a donut on Saturday morning makes your whole weekend a party
• The way you remember to pray for people and things I have never brought up
• The way you love to listen to the Beatles, especially Hey Jude, and the way you make up new lyrics, just like your Daddy does.
• The way you have humbled me.  There is no way to look like I have it all together when I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in a row for months, or when I have perpetual snot/spit/spit-up stains on my shirt. 
• The way your eyes look straight through appearances.  You don't care what people say, you care what they do, so you constantly remind me to be a person who's actions speak louder than my words.
• There are days I have no idea what to do!  You bring me to the end of myself quicker than anything else in the world, so I have to look to God as I just can't make it alone.

Dexter and Maxwell, thank you for being challenging, for being dramatic, for being feisty, for being hilarious, and for being sensitive.  You defy the books and make me look to the Lord and pray like I have never prayed before.  I love you from the bottom of my heart. 

You have wrecked my life, and I am forever grateful.

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Who Will Comfort Dexter?

When Sander was in Finland a year or two ago, he picked up Who Will Comfort Toffle as a gift for then baby Dexter.  Tove Jansson is one of the most popular Finnish children's book authors -- she was like the Dr. Seuss of Finland.  However, her books are a tad more dark than her US counterpart.

So what does this have to do with Dexter?  Let me explain...

It was nap time at our house yesterday and Dexter was not having it.  He was yelling, kicking the wall, and not calming down.   I was putting Maxwell down, and while in the other room, I could hear Dexter getting more and more upset.  Now, it is easy to get reallllly upset as the mom when you just get a baby down and a toddler is just about to wake them up because they won't be quiet.  Especially when you have high hopes of both kids going down at the SAME time (cue harps and sunshine and everything nice!).

So, I went in and strongly told him to be quiet, as this isn't his normal nap-time behavior.  That just sent him over the edge.  I stood on the other side of the door and at first felt angry that he was disobeying and possibly going to wake Maxwell up.  Then I thought: this just isn't normal. 

In I went, and instead of correction, I just gave him a big hug, which he at first refused, then started to rub his back.  He instantly relaxed.  As I rubbed his back, I began reciting nursery rhymes he knew and had him close his eyes.  I started to recite a poem I had memorized, but one Dexter didn't know, and he looked up at me with a queer look in his eye and asked, "what you talking about, mommy?"  "Nothing my dear" was my reply, and I went back to the tried and true Little Miss Muffet, etc.  He was sound asleep in less than 5 minutes.

It was as I sat on the dge of his bed calming him down that I saw Who Will Comfort Toffle on the floor.

In the book, a boy who is isolated and afraid of many things goes on a lonely adventure, meeting all sorts of strange creatures along the way.  In the end he overcomes his fears and rescues a girl from an evil monster.  Together they make the transition from isolation and dread, to companionship and hope.  The next to last line says:

And Miffle knows, and Toffle knows, that both have seen the end
Of fear and fright and long dark night, now each has found a friend

I thought as I rubbed Dexter's back that perhaps this is how many toddlers feel?  The world is overwhelming and full of fearful things, and sometimes the way they act looks like it is out of line to adult eyes, but really what if they are just crying out for a companion to comfort them?  It takes discernment to know what time correction is needed and what time comfort is needed, but yesterday I knew it was time for comfort. 

So, dear Dexter, for now I will be the one to comfort you.  But, my dear, my deepest hope is that one day you find a friend who will stick by you to the end -- a wife who will love you and help you see the end of fear and fright and long dark night.  Because life is messy and frightful at times, even when you are big.

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This article is so good, I am cutting and pasting the whole thing here.  Yes, you can go to the link, but deep down I am keeping a blog so I can print it out on day on blurb.com and I'm going to need this text right here.  This is good, really good.


Carpe Karios for me!

Don't Carpe Diem    

Glennon Melton

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.

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Sensory Integration

Ever since Dexter first made his first appearance he has been what others would call a "sensitive" baby. I remember telling (the few and the brave) babysitters that you need to be sure and hold him "just like this" and be sure you "don't do X, Y, Z, and ZZ, and ZZZ..." I think some people thought I was just a little overprotective and a crazy first time mom, that is until they were alone with Dexter and saw how things would set him off.

I remember being furious with Sander in the early mornings because he dared blow his nose in the house because it would wake Dexter up.  Sander started having breakfast in the laundry room as it was the only room he could make even a little noise without waking Dexter up. Getting him to sleep was a crazy endeavour and the Moby was one of the only ways he would ever really get into deep sleep.

At the time we thought it was because of his reflux issues, and yes, I am sure some of it was.  But knowing what we do now, it all makes a little more sense.

As the months went by and the reflux became more and more a thing of the past, we still had some lingering problems. Dexter just would not/will not fall asleep easily, and when he does, he will wake up throughout the night. In the toddler room at church I remember the nursery worker asking if he played rough with daddy at home because he was tackling all the kids, even before he was really walking. And at Mother's Day Out, Dexter never had artwork hanging when they used finger paints as he would refuse to paint with the other kids.

Then year two arrived and with it some larger issues.  Dexter loves, Loves, LOVES his friends (talks about them constantly and gets incredibly excited to see them) but when we had play dates with certain children, disasters ensued.  He would almost attack the quiet kids in his efforts to get them to play rough with him.  At the park he would walk past children we didn't know and hit them with his shoulder to make them fall down, completely unprovoked, and at church he was almost kicked out of the 2 year old room at MOPS because he was sent to time out 10+ times in one day.

Sander and I were at our wits.  We had read the books, we had talked to the grandparents, we met with well respected parents of older children, we even had a few suggestions he may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or need counseling.  As we had no clue what to do, we really were ready to do whatever we needed to, yet I just had this feeling that things weren't as bad as all that.

I saw Dexter all the time and knew that he wasn't angry inside due to some instability at home, I knew he was eating well, napping great, and absolutely loved his brother, his family, and his friends.  Especially as he began to talk more and I saw more of his heart, I knew things just weren't as bad as his behavior in public seemed to indicate.  One of the things he began to share, unprompted, would be on every drive to Mother's Day Out.  Every week he would say, "Mommy, I be nice to my friends today.  Mommy, I obey my teacher.  My friends waiting on me?  They miss me?  I be nice." And he would repeat that several more times.  Then, when I picked him up, he would sadly say, "I not nice to my friends today, I say 'sorry'."

My heart was broken. In a million pieces.

I saw my sweet, tender hearted little boy know the good he ought to do yet somehow seemed physically incapable to doing it.

So, the first week in December Sander and I began to pray about it.  Yes, we had prayed about certain issues along the way, but this time we were truly desperate.  We had no idea what to do and I was at the point I didn't even want to leave the house for fear of what the next issue would be.  By Friday of that week we had a glimmer of hope, and by the next Friday we had a clear answer with results!

This doesn't happen every day and are we so thankful for the quick and clear answer!

On Friday of that week, Sander's first week at his new job, we attended his group's small work Christmas party.  There I met the wife of one of the few people Sander had gotten to know over the past 5 days, and as I asked what she did, I instantly knew that she was the answer.  She was a pediatric occupational therapist (someone I had been reading about that week online) and yes she worked with children that had issues like Dexter, and yes her office (NTS if you want to look it up!) was 5min from my house.  What!?!

So, in we went and had an evaluation and found out that Dexter is textbook for  Proprioceptive Sensory Integration Disorder.  Basically, he is seeking deep physical input to help him feel calm and grounded.  Here are a few things it looks like, taken from the website I just linked:

Signs Of Proprioceptive Dysfunction:

 
If they are under responsive to proprioceptive input (i.e. sensory seeking) they will...

walk to hard, push too hard, bang too hard write too hard, play with objects too hard, etc.

be the loud ones, rough ones, crashers, movers, shakers, runners, jumpers, and bouncers (i.e. an insatiable bundle of energy!)

play too rough (often hurting himself or others), jump off of or crash into ANYTHING he can

crack his knuckles, chew on his fingers, bite his nails until they bleed, chew on pens, gum, pencils, clothing collars, sleeves, or strings, or inedible objects (i.e. paper clips, pieces of toys etc.)

Um, yes!  And it explains the obsession with the pacifier too!

The therapist ran him through a whole set of activities and I saw things I didn't even realize were there.  One was Dexter's aversion to certain textures.  He refused to put his hand in rice, which I never noticed.  When we played with rice before he would always use spoons or cups, I never knew it was because he didn't want to actually touch the rice.  He also refused to touch shaving cream, which explains why he would never play with finger paint.  And, not only does he not like these textures, but having to interact with textures on a daily basis that he doesn't like leaves him irritable and unable to calm down at bed time.  I had no idea it was due to something like that!

Here is the absolutely amazing and great news -- this is something easy to cope with!  You never grow out of sensory issues (I mean, Sander and I definitely have some of our own!) but you just learn to deal with them.  The biggest and best news for us as parents is since now we know this is the root cause of the erratic behavior we can respond with heavy work activities, tight hugs, or playfully rolling him around if he starts to get too physical and not with harsh discipline.

And, this is something I can pass on to teachers so they can redirect Dexter in the right way and not get into a situation where he needs to be put in timeout 10X in a few hours.  There are also some things we can do at home before we go out and see friends.  We have a trampoline and we wrestle in the living room lots!  Sander has started taking Dexter outside each night to play football and practice his tackling, and the result has been a calm and happy child.  Everyone who has seen him recently has remarked at how different his behavior is.

So, I hope there is one mom out there that this encourages.  One mom who reads this and this is her answer to her prayer about her child. 

We are just so happy to see the sweet boy we always knew we had suddenly gain the capacity to share his sweet nature with his friends.  This kid loves life and loves others and now, with a few more bear hugs, he can live live to the fullest!

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'Twas the Day of Raw Sewage

It's the most wonderful time of the year!  Yes, that time of year when the sewer cleaning trunk shows up announced at your house, right as you have put both children to sleep, and blocks in your driveway.  I was not of good cheer when I came out of the boy's rooms to see where all the noise was coming from only to dry heave because the stench was so horrific.  Too much info?  I'm sorry, I have to share, this is too "once in a lifetime" for me to keep this special story all to myself.

After phoning a friend (while covering my nose and cowering in a back room), I decided to brace the stench and open the door to see what in the world was going on.  Amazingly enough, not a smell was to be had outside.  I, however, was a bit testy with the man operating the truck. 

He asked, "do you have any raw sewage on your floors or in your washing machine?"  WHAT!?  I hadn't even investigated that.  Apparently it is not uncommon when they test/clean the lines. 

So, in I went, but praises all around that no raw sewage was to be found.  So I stopped up the drains with wet rags and some bleach and opened some windows hoping the boys would still sleep.

It's only a little chilly outside and I only had 10 things to do during nap...

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Obedience

Dexter loves his child's Bible. He gets it out every day and flips through it like he is really reading it until he finds his favorite stories. Today he landed on Deborah. A very random spot for him to be so interested in it. He wanted me to read it several times. Now, this version of the children's Bible is a little spotty with details. The book basically says, Deborah went out with the army of Israel, told them to fight because God was with them, and they won. Dexter wanted more, so I added in why. As I began to explain it to him, with an emphasis on obedience as that is something Dexter doesn't quite grasp (hey, who does?), it began to teach a few things to my own heart as well.

I explained that the army listened to Deborah because she heard from God and they respected her. The army didn't want to fight as they thought they would loose because the other army was SO big. But, because they were obedient, they won. I explained that mommy doesn't always want to do certain things, but when God tells her to, she obeys. Not because I want to, but because I love God and I know He loves me and wants to help me. Just like I love Dexter and want to help him.

It really made me think. I realized how hard it must be for Dexter to obey me day after day when he wants to do things and can't understand why I say no. I know I am saying no because it is unsafe or could lead to something unsafe in the future, but he can't understand that. Really, the only reason he obeys me is because he knows there is a consequence if he doesn't or, and hopefully this is the case as he gets bigger, because he trusts me. Wow. Do I happily obey God because I trust Him, or do sometimes I just fear a consequence?

With the launch of my new business and ministry coming at the end of this week, I have felt a little nervous as I begin to invest time, money, and my reputation on this enterprise.  However, there are so many "coincedences" that led to this venture that I know it is something I must do, wheteher I "win" or not.  I know it was a move of obedience.

So, like the army when it listened to Deborah, I want to obey, even when it looks like I may loose. The battle belongs to the Lord right?

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Supermom!

I feel like a supermom tonight!  I cooked, played with Dexter (while nursing) while fielding emails and to-do items for my Noonday launch at the end of this week.

Maxwell had his 2 month shots, well the 2 I am ok with him getting this month, and he was so fussy and sad this afternoon.  Poor guy just doesn't feel good.  I got the flu shot...hope I feel ok into tomorrow!

The result!

Now superdad is taking care of the aftermath...the perfect ending to a busy day!

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Undie Hat: Potty Training, Ray Style

Yes, that's what we call an Undie Hat

Potty training is underway at our house.  Ok, so it's been going on since January.  Yep, just nine short months to get us to the underwear-while-at-home-but-not-out-in-public-yet stage.  Let me explain.  Starting in January, I would move Dexter to the Baby Bjorn potty seat for number 2.  He would just get that look in his eyes, and off he would go flying through the air in my arms, to the potty seat.  Soon after, he insisted on going on the potty every time for number 2 and would run there himself -- he seemed to hate the feeling of it in his diaper.  If we were at a friend's house or the park he would freak out and look around, lost, looking for the "teddy bear potty" (the Baby Bjorn...).  This seemed great, until it took him 20 minutes from the time he ran to the potty till we were done.  Lots of books were read and we were late to lots of morning walks with our neighbor.  I began to think, why did I start this!? 

Right as we began the move, Dexter regressed in a big way.  Instead of using the potty, he would yell "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and run the opposite way.  I actually had to change a few poopy diapers and I was not happy. 

Thankfully, as soon as we were settled in the new house, he was back on the wagon...I mean potty...but just for number 2.  I wasn't pushing anything at this point.  I was almost to my due date and was not interested in starting anything radical.  In fact, I wasn't even thrilled about helping him out of his pull-up and sitting down to read to him.  This involved bending and sitting close to the floor...not something a very pregnant woman wants to do!
Then, 3 weeks after Maxwell was born, Dexter found his Cars and Thomas the Tank Engine themed underwear in his room (bought back in the early Spring when I had higher hopes and more energy).  He insisted on wearing it. 

My first thought was: "ugh! I can barely walk like a normal person and am only getting 2 hours of sleep at a time...you want to potty train now!?"  But, my fear that if we didn't try when Dexter wanted to try we may have to wait another year before he was ready again, won out.  So on went the undies.

We're progressing, with BIG help from the M&M cookies from HEB.  He loves seeing what color M&M the cookie will have after each successful attempt.  I told him yesterday that we wouldn't have cookies soon...so get ready.

Maybe in another 9 months he will be ready to go out of the house without a pull-up?

At least for now he is super happy and proud of himself!

*Disclaimer:  Dexter is a very strong willed and, ahem, vibrant child.  There was a time where I had to leave every play date early because of a biting, pushing, or hitting incident.  However, I am seeing a slight glimmer of hope to this stronger personality.  For, when directed the right way (potty training for example), his strong willed-ness and his distaste for anything yucky to be on him is lending itself to a quicker potty training time.  Since I can't control the personalities of my children, it's better to just go with it, right?

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My Secret Weapon

We have been blessed with a lot of books and toys these past few months:  Dexter's birthday, relatives in town, Maxwell's birth and "big brother" gifts. Dexter and I have both loved then new additions -- he is entertained and I am very happy he is entertained!

But...all those new additions pile up and the old, now boring toys get thrown around the room, literally. So, I did a little organizing using a tip I learned from the family I babysat for in Aberdeen. She would box up sets of toys and put them away in the closet once the new had worn off and the kids weren't really playing with them. I used to do this about once a month, but with the move and the end of pregnancy (hey, I was happy if I could just kick the loose toys toward a basket at the end of the day those last few weeks!), it just didn't happen.

Making sure the bookshelf if cleaned out and has just the books we are reading/like right now means we read a lot more. When the books are a mess and Dexter can't find the books he wants, he just gives up and asks to watch DVDs. We always read so much more right after I organize the books.

Here is my secret weapon -- the toy closet! Some of these are toys he has grown out of and are waiting for Maxwell, but most are just ones that don't currently interest him.  What is great about this closet, is after a month or so packed away, it seems like a brand new toy when you bring it back out.  Perfect for that end of afternoon fuss fest.  Also, when you go through the toys to pack them away it gives you a chance to put the sets back together, find that missing puzzle piece, and to throw away those old chick-fil-a toys. 

So, with the toys organizing and week two of being on my own,  I decided it was also time to clean out my attitude.  Yes, I can lay on the couch all morning with a DVD on, but the reality is I am not really rested and Dexter isn't really entertained.  So, I peeled myself from the couch, brought out the speakers for the computer, and got the music going.  We have danced, jumped on the bed, played with cars, built a castle out of blocks (and knocked it down a million times), pretend drove to Chick-fil-a, and I have even done a few loads of laundry.  My house is still a disaster (don't even look at the kitchen floor!) and I look like I've been run over by a truck, but we are trying to have more fun today.

I read over the weekend that mom's attitude becomes everyone else's attitude.  Ugh.  I hate to admit that is true because it means I need to change...but it is.  So, I may not be able to see straight and I this may not be the best writing ever, but I am up, trying to have fun, and looking to set a new mood for the house!

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Reality

This picture is slightly staged...but only slightly!  I have been reading a blog series entitled "a day in the life".  It is a series of posts by bloggers showing what their day to day life really consists of.  Now, I don't think my blog sugar coats things (not even the satan sandwiches!) or has the facade created by splendid photos and tutorials that the real blogs have, but I thought this was a great picture to show what life was like, at least this week.

That's Dexter trying to use his potty.  Right next to the table.  He brought it over to me, absolutely insisting that mommy help him.  Then, he decided to grab my skirt and pull on it as I tried to get Maxwell's medicine ready.  Oh boy...

I know I will look back and just remember the sweet times; the kisses goodbye, the spontaneous running around in circles, the complete joy in being given a chocolate chip cookie and the sweet "thank you, mommy" that resulted...un-prompted, mind you.

But some days need a little sugar coating...

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From the Archives: Mom Guilt

Here is a post I wrote June 16th, 2009, when Dexter was one month old.  I thought it was good to remember at this early stage with Maxwell.  It is amazing what all I learned with Dexter...he certainly stretched me and broke me in as a first time mom.  Honestly, it is really refreshing to look back and realize that a lot of the guilt I felt with Dexter just isn't here with Maxwell.  Not that it won't rear its ugly head in new ways in the future...

Mom Guilt: Let Freedom Ring!

Tuesday, June 16

As a mom-to-be I of course read through as many recommended parenting books as I could find. I wanted to be the most prepared mom and these books promised me the 'best' way to do that. They promise contented babies who grow up to be responsible members of society...even the possibility they could sleep through the night by 4 weeks.

The old saying comes to mind: "if its too good to be true, it probably is."

Ok, not that these books don't all have some element of truth and helpful advice. Thanks for the new jiggle technique and the usefulness of white noise Happiest Baby; thanks for the benefits of following some sort of schedule Baby Wise; thanks for the E.A.S.Y. schedule Baby Whisperer. Each in their own way has helpful tips and has contributed to my overall understanding of mom techniques and how to relate to my newborn. But here is a warning - for my baby (and I am sure others) they don't even begin to solve all my problems. Additionally, I've come to realize these last few weeks, these books can also have a very negative effect on the first-time mom. Throw in postpartum blues, mom guilt, and a dash of isolation and you have the mix for the perfect storm.

Week 3 rolled around, my mom had left, and I was beginning to feel pretty confident doing this motherhood thing. I had my semi-schedule down, Dexter slept without a hitch between feedings, and he was more than content to be handed off to visitors whenever they stopped by. I figured I could be out and about in no time as I had the baby thing down. Then the screaming started. At first it would just be for a short time after eating and I figured it was a growth spurt. Just feed him a little more, he would drift off - problem solved. Then he started to wake up after 30min screaming. Hmmm...this was a little harder. Then began the 'discussions'. Should we feed him? No, he can't be hungry. But he won't stop screaming. Well, you know the book warns against feeding for every little thing. But he sounds like he is in pain - I want to help. Well, do you think feeding will help? Maybe we should just walk/shush/swaddle/etc more. Oh then came the guilt! Guilt that my baby is crying and I won't/can't help. Guilt I am creating a monster who will never 'self-soothe'. Guilt he'll never sleep through the night alone. Guilt he will only calm down now if I nurse him. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

The diagnosis came late that week (after days and nights of no sleep for everyone) when I finally called the doctor. Before then I thought, what do I say, my baby cries and I am such a bad mom I can't stop it? Waiting to see the doctor I had to wait in the atrium outside the office because Dexter screamed (big difference between whimpering and crying) the whole time. Patients walked by and looked on in horror. One dad had a stricken look on his face and asked, so how long has he been doing that? I was sweating I was so nervous. I was convinced they all thought I was some teen-age mom who had no clue how to hold/soothe my baby. I was sure they were thinking, didn't she read a book before she had this child? Anyway - the doctor was great and immediately said he thought it was probably a severe case of reflux. It was Friday, and he went so far to say that if I didn't see results soon then to take him to the emergency room as no baby should be screaming like he was for the length he was.

The doctor's diagnosis made me feel a mixture of relief and even more guilt. Relief that my suspicion something had to be hurting him was right (enough that the doctor suggested the emergency room for a full check up!), guilt that I waited all week to call the doctor. Turns out he slowly began to respond to the medicine and we now know for sure he has reflux. We're on the right course of treatment and are on the 6month (!!) waiting list to see a specialist.

But what about that guilt. Oh, it was still there. So, it's reflux - but that still doesn't tell me how to be a good mom. I had quite the pity party last week thinking I would never be able to be a good mom or able to work out a schedule that would allow me to leave the house. I was mad at the books, mad at the people who touted them as the perfect solution, and just mad that I didn't have it as easy as others. Then I realized, why am I relying so much on these books to fix everything? Why am I even trying to make the chart in the book become the main guide in my baby's life? What about prayer?

I know that the base knowledge I received from the books is coming into play as I have techniques to pray through (should I shush? should I white noise? should I wait 3 hours to feed him again?) but now I don't have to worry that Dexter doesn't fit the mold of the E.A.S.Y. child they promise. He is a baby with acid bathing his esophagus, but the Lord promises that "the grace of the Lord Jesus be with all."

Mistakes will be made. I know I will make the wrong decisions more times than not. I won't remember to pray nearly as often as I should. But, the guilt has no place in this new mom-son relationship. Hebrews 10:22 says we can come to the Lord to be washed of a guilty conscious. Romans 8:1 says there is no condemnation/disapproval/guilt when we are guided by the Holy Spirit. Not too get too spiritual, but it really has been true these past few days. I feel content and peaceful when before I was just shy from freaking out.

Thanks for the advice books. You've been helpful and I will keep you on the shelf, but you can't and won't ever give me the full help I need.

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Sleep...or not

The last few days have been challenging to say the least.  This picture was taken on Sunday and shows sweet little Maxwell in the "Ray Baby" outfit.  All the Ray babies (Sander and his siblings) wore this as a baby.  Isn't that adorable?  He looks quite adorable in the nautical nightgown I think.  This also shows the last night he was sleeping peacefully.

Yes, reflux has reared its ugly head. = (  We had several sleepless nights and days as I watched Maxwell get increasingly more and more fussy.  He would doze off, only to write around and try and spit up.  This would go on and on until yesterday he barely slept at all.  The doctor was great and gave me some things to try, and after those failed, they called in Prevacid.  This is what Dexter was on for 8 months.  I am not thrilled to medicate such a little guy, but we are also trying Baby's Jarro-Dophilus and I have a chiropractic appointment for Monday.  Now, I would not go to just any chiropractor with my little one, but this one (Dr. Long at West U. Wellness) came highly recommended by the midwives at the Women's Specialist of Houston and she is specially trained for pediatric and pre-natal care.  SHe helped me so much while pregnant with Maxwell, so I hope she can help him as well and we can avoid the long, drawn-out sleep issues we had with Dexter.

So...hopefully I will be able to blog more with good news in the coming days.  I may re-post the blog I wrote 5 weeks after Dexter was born...seems appropriate once again.

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Home!

 

We're home! It has been great to be home, away from the noise and constant stream of nursing staff at the hospital.

Maxwell had a little check-up today as well and is almost back to birth weight...8lbs 10oz!

Now...off to sleep.

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He Has a Name!

Drumroll please........................................

Welcome...

Maxwell Asher!!
 

We will have the full story behind his name as soon as we have a little more time.

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Baby Ray #2 Has Arrived!

At 1:45pm this Thursday afternoon, Baby Ray #2 made his entrance into the world (after 9 hours of active labor)! He is a whopping 8lbs 110z and 19in long...!  Quite a surprise to us all as Dexter was only 6lbs 7oz.  He has just a little fuzz for hair, but it looks to be red like his brother's.

We are still working on a name, so stay tuned.

Getting weighed.

Meeting new baby brother for the first time.  It was a really sweet time!  Dexter seemed in awe of him and gave him a few kisses and asked to help feed him.  If only he could help there...= )

Proud daddy!

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Prudent Baby's New Backyard

This video was just on Design*Sponge and it has totally inspired me.  Deep down I think I'm really a bohemian at heart...I long to live in Santa Fe, make fabric garlands for every wall in my house, and just lounge with friends and babies about me! 

Anyway, watch the cute, cute video above and and dream about living someplace you can venture outdoors in the summer.  I am.

Plus, I am really liking her blog Prudent Baby.  Enjoy!

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Amazon: A Pregnant Woman's Best Friend

My massive weekend shopping spree on amazon arrived today. Ok, when I say shopping spree, I mean items like: 2 year old birthday party presents, a sitz bath (oh...the glamour!), and a business book for Sander. BUT, the best thing is I was able to buy each item as it came to mind without one single stop in a store. No packing up my toddler, loading him in and out of the car in the heat, and no lugging my very pregnant self around to multiple stores that may or may not have what I want.

Oh Amazon...I love thee and prime shipping!

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Yesterday to Today

Yesterday my son looked like this.

Today he is curled up on my lap with a high fever. He looks too pitiful to take a picture.

What a difference a day makes.

Praying that this passes quickly (there is word of a 24hour high-fever thing going around the nursery at church), without being passed on to mommy or daddy...and that it passes before baby #2 decides to make his arrival.

Oh boy...

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