Sickness Sympathy

Sadly, I have not always been the most understanding when others are sick.  I wish them well and haven't meant harm, but I now realize I really haven't done all I could to help.

Can I just say thank you to those of you who have helped this week??  I am so thankful for the soup, the errands, and the offers to pick up Dexter (that I had to turn down once you got to my door when I realized he was running a 101.3 fever!).  Let alone the calls, emails, and texts of prayers for health.

Today, I am pretty sure it is the flu.  Yes, yes, everyone told me to get the flu shot, but did I?  No.  To justify my decision I really don't remember ever having the flu.  Maybe I did as a child, but nothing that I remember.  I have really been a pretty healthy person who seems to glide along and never get sick (thus my previous lack of compassion mentioned above...).  So, why did I need a flu shot?  I was sure if I got it that I would be that person that got sick from the shot itself.

Well, at least I can say that today I finally feel a smidgen better.  I am saying this about 2 hours into my last dose of Tylenol and the first shower in days, so I could just be feeling better on the surface.  Seeing how a day or so ago I was moaning that I would rather be in labor because then I knew the agony would be over in a set amount of time, it really doesn't take much for me to say I am feeling "better".  But, I have made it through the week with a toddler, Sander will be home for two glorious days, and I see lots of sleep in my future.

And if any of you out there find yourself sick in bed, please let me know, I will be more than happy to do all I can to help you like I have been helped this week.

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Intentional Heart

Here is a blog posting my dad just sent me from Sand in the Gears.  Thoughts?

I started a garden last summer. It went to weeds, and then the weeds grew parched under the relentless Kansas sun, and then they withered and died. I traveled more than I’d anticipated, and when I was home other things competed for my time, if only fatigue. I think on that garden and I fear it will be my fatherhood — ground broken with good intentions, but scorched and barren all the same.


All we parents begin with dreams of what our lives will mean. We dream that our children will be healthy and safe, that they will learn good things from us, that our God will be their God. We dream that when they are older they will be people we like, and that they will in turn want to be near us.

Lately I have wrestled with bouts of panic. I fear I am too far behind, already, in this father’s race. I am apart from them more than I want. This is how our lives will be for the next several years. They used to ask when my traveling will be done, and now they don’t. They have been fishing more with other fathers than with me. They have been to Boy Scouts with other fathers, but not with me. This is our life into any future I can foresee, not that I have ever seen the future well.

Sometimes I panic, and then I despair. Your life stretching out before you holds a series of choices, and what you don’t realize until you are older is how quickly those choices can accumulate and choke off possible futures. If you are not care-filled and prayer-filled and intentional, your days may pile up with more regret than hope.

One of my deep griefs is that I didn’t accept Wife, in those early years, as a partner. I looked on her too often as a bundle of wants and inadequacies and comforts, but not as a partner. Only lately have I come to appreciate her counsel.

It is hard, I think, for men to accept the counsel of a wife. We want to have the answers, and to be strong, and — above all else — to be admired and respected. The last thing we want is to be humbled. To be truly counseled, however, is to practice humility. And to be counseled by your wife, well, that is to let this person — who you want more than anyone else to see you as strong and admirable — inside that place in your heart where your fears and flaws and pettiness reside.

I never treated her as a partner and I rarely valued her counsel and now some things are broken that will never on this earth be unbroken.

But there is grace in broken places, you have to know this. I poured out my heart to her a few days back, my anguish over not being as present in their lives as I had dreamed I would be, over not doing things with them each day, not having as many hours with them to teach what I had hoped I might teach them.

I mourned all the time I have wasted and all the time I will not have.

She reminded me that what a boy grieves — the boy whose father comes home every night, or the boy who never meets his father — is the absence of love. She reminded me that this was my great wound, thinking for years and years that no father wanted me. I never learned how to rebuild an engine or sight in a rifle, nobody took me to Boy Scouts or church, nobody came to my track meets or wrestling matches. But the wound that has run right through the center of me as a man was the absence of a father’s heart.

So I took hope. This I can give them. This they will know, that they are loved.

That can only happen with our children, though, if I am intentional, if you are intentional. Every moment with them, every conversation with them, offers the opportunity to strengthen the bond holding heart close to heart, or to let those bonds erode in the silence.

I don’t have as much time with my sons as other fathers have with their children, and I don’t know how to do the things that other fathers teach their children. But I do have this heart that is theirs, and this prayer on my lips day and night, for patience, for fatherly love, for peace in their presence.

I pray it will be enough, that I will be enough.

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Well, immediately after the rodeo, sickness hit.  First Dexter, now me.  I thought last week, when everyone around me was getting sick that I had such a "great" immune system.  Well...that was a lie.

So here I sit at home, with a toddler rolling around on the floor striking poses and whining.  Hope this passes soon...

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iPhone

Quick update! We went to the Ft Worth Rodeo this weekend and my sister caught the pure joy which was Dexter on her iPhone. He was SO excited during the grand entrance with all the horses. Squeals, laughter, clapping, and vigorous pointing were all part of the package.

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Design*Sponge Strikes again!

I love this blog.  LOVE IT!

I really want to make this for a play space for Dexter...I just love it!  Click the link below to check it out as it is made from those foam squares that come in primary colors for kids!  Not sure that I have the painting abilities she has...ok, I know I don't, but maybe I can do something that a boy would like?

http://www.designspongeonline.com/2011/01/before-after-sarahs-rug-tatianas-sofa.html

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Of Food and Names

I like this author's choice of names for her children...and her food philosophy too!

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/23/magazine/23Food-t-000.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&emc=eta1

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Furniture Painting

Well, I didn't do a great job taking great "before" pictures...so make do with the one below. Just look up to the top right-hand corner for a little peek of what the "before" toddler bed looked like.

Here is a almost done after:

We now have it in the nursery and Dexter has successfully slept in it since Wednesday. He fell out a few times (those rails on the side aren't as high as you would think after the mattress is in!), but after strategic placement of pillows, he has been safe and secure ever since. I am actually really, really, really excited this transition has gone well. Not everything in Dexter's young life has gone as smoothly...

Once we have his new room set up (we're kicking him out of the nursery before July) I'll take a final, after pic in its full glory.

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The Best Parking Spot Ever

It was the day after the day after Christmas, and people were out and about. We never thought we'd find a parking spot, we were sure it would be a route. ...
As we first pulled into the Dillard's parking lot I said, turn right here, I feel like there will be a good space. And who did we see, but a sweet couple leaving. I said, "hurry, hurry" as I thought they were walking to the other row. Thankfully my husband was slow and steady and - HOORAY - we got their space.

As a person who hates waiting and hates crowds, it was the best day after the day after Christmas gift I could receive.

 

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Introducing Baby Ray #2

With great fanfare, we are so pleased to announce the 12 week mark for baby Ray #2! We consider this a tremendous blessing and just marvel at the ability of God to create life! The little one already has a strong heartbeat, hands, and I saw it open and close it's mouth. So miraculous!!

The story behind why I even have a picture to share with you is interesting. Today I had my 12 week appointment and was thrilled to hear the heartbeat for the first time. However, while listening to the heartbeat, my midwife started to make an interesting face (you really don't want to see that during an appointment) and asked me if I had a scan at my first appointment. I told her I didn't and just wanted to have the one at 20 weeks. Her response:

Well, it doesn't sound like twins, but you are measuring larger than 12 weeks, so I'd like to do one just to be sure.

My heart just DROPPED. She was only gone a minute or two, but my mind raced through all the possibilities that twins could bring.

Then, as she started the ultrasound, the baby went in, out, and then back into focus. I said, somewhat frantically, "is that a 2nd baby!?"

Well, as you can see in the picture above, it was just one little one. I sighed in relief, but also had the tiniest bit of regret it wasn't two.

One is blessing enough for us.

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Belated Christmas and New Year's Card

Well, better late than never, right?

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Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

When I was thinking about writing a post welcoming 2011, I decided to look back through my picasa album from this past year.


Wow.

So much has happened: weddings and first birthdays were celebrated, a first family vacation was had, Sander and I travelled to an obscure country together without Dexter, and so many other moments small and large (Dexter's first steps, first words, major yard renovations...). But for this post I didn't want to just re-list what we have done this year, if you'd like to know that, just look through our old posts.

Here is what I will think of when I look back at 2010 -- change. Change for the better, maybe some change for the worst. But change seems to sum it up. We went into the year completely sleep deprived and just a little stressed out by new parenthood. Dexter just didn't follow what any of the books said he would do (does any child!?) and for someone like me, it was so hard to feel like each day was "just getting by". But, as the year progressed Dexter got better, I let go of what I began to see as unrealistic expectations, and the joys of watching him grow and learn began to supersede the frustrations.

But the biggest thing I think I will walk away from this year is the idea that I don't have to do everything better. I mentioned it in this previous post, and since posting, it has begun to really sink in. Every time I hear about someone else's accomplishments or someone else's new hobby, I don't have to consider it for myself. I can say "nope, that's not for me." Don't get me wrong, I've never had any problem doing this when someone tells me they are taking up wind surfing or deep sea fishing, but those things that fall into the category in my mind of "things I ought to be doing"...those get me. Like, be a fantastic chef (not just a decent cook), be a mom who cleans the house every morning before 9am (instead of a mom who just keeps things marginally tidy), or be a woman with a successful career and a happy family. Or even little things, like be a woman who sends out creative yet sweet Christmas cards before the end of the year.

All of those things have built up in my life and have caused stress I never even knew about until I read Bittersweet. Now, I am working on my "things I don't do list." Every time I feel something nagging at me and causing stress I can evaluate it and see if it fits into my overall goal for my life, and if not -- on it goes to the "do not do list." Ahhh...the freedom.

And perhaps looking at other's accomplishments and skills and wanting the same in my life is just a form of covetousness, which Mirriam-Webster defines as desiring another's possessions. So, not only do I want to say "no" I want to replace the desire for new skilss with contentment for what skills I do have, and make the most of those God gave me.

As a parting thought, here is December 31st's entry from My Utmost for His Highest:

“. . . God requires an account of what is past” (Ecclesiastes 3:15). At the end of the year we turn with eagerness to all that God has for the future, and yet anxiety is apt to arise when we remember our yesterdays. Our present enjoyment of God’s grace tends to be lessened by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders. But God is the God of our yesterdays, and He allows the memory of them to turn the past into a ministry of spiritual growth for our future. God reminds us of the past to protect us from a very shallow security in the present....


Our yesterdays hold broken and irreversible things for us. It is true that we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past rest, but let it rest in the sweet embrace of Christ.


Leave the broken, irreversible past in His hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.

Happy 2011 all!

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