Who Will Comfort Dexter?

When Sander was in Finland a year or two ago, he picked up Who Will Comfort Toffle as a gift for then baby Dexter.  Tove Jansson is one of the most popular Finnish children's book authors -- she was like the Dr. Seuss of Finland.  However, her books are a tad more dark than her US counterpart.

So what does this have to do with Dexter?  Let me explain...

It was nap time at our house yesterday and Dexter was not having it.  He was yelling, kicking the wall, and not calming down.   I was putting Maxwell down, and while in the other room, I could hear Dexter getting more and more upset.  Now, it is easy to get reallllly upset as the mom when you just get a baby down and a toddler is just about to wake them up because they won't be quiet.  Especially when you have high hopes of both kids going down at the SAME time (cue harps and sunshine and everything nice!).

So, I went in and strongly told him to be quiet, as this isn't his normal nap-time behavior.  That just sent him over the edge.  I stood on the other side of the door and at first felt angry that he was disobeying and possibly going to wake Maxwell up.  Then I thought: this just isn't normal. 

In I went, and instead of correction, I just gave him a big hug, which he at first refused, then started to rub his back.  He instantly relaxed.  As I rubbed his back, I began reciting nursery rhymes he knew and had him close his eyes.  I started to recite a poem I had memorized, but one Dexter didn't know, and he looked up at me with a queer look in his eye and asked, "what you talking about, mommy?"  "Nothing my dear" was my reply, and I went back to the tried and true Little Miss Muffet, etc.  He was sound asleep in less than 5 minutes.

It was as I sat on the dge of his bed calming him down that I saw Who Will Comfort Toffle on the floor.

In the book, a boy who is isolated and afraid of many things goes on a lonely adventure, meeting all sorts of strange creatures along the way.  In the end he overcomes his fears and rescues a girl from an evil monster.  Together they make the transition from isolation and dread, to companionship and hope.  The next to last line says:

And Miffle knows, and Toffle knows, that both have seen the end
Of fear and fright and long dark night, now each has found a friend

I thought as I rubbed Dexter's back that perhaps this is how many toddlers feel?  The world is overwhelming and full of fearful things, and sometimes the way they act looks like it is out of line to adult eyes, but really what if they are just crying out for a companion to comfort them?  It takes discernment to know what time correction is needed and what time comfort is needed, but yesterday I knew it was time for comfort. 

So, dear Dexter, for now I will be the one to comfort you.  But, my dear, my deepest hope is that one day you find a friend who will stick by you to the end -- a wife who will love you and help you see the end of fear and fright and long dark night.  Because life is messy and frightful at times, even when you are big.