Dexter...the "colic" myth

Many of you have wondered why we haven't posted more or why we don't have new pictures. The reason we don't is Dexter began about a week and a half ago to fuss more than normal. Each day got a little worse, till he began to scream uncontrollably - nothing would sooth him. All last week I thought I was doing something wrong - maybe I wasn't scheduling well enough, or maybe I should feed on demand; maybe my milk was bad; maybe I didn't know how to hold and soothe as well as I should. On and on it went till we broke down after a horrible night, called the pediatrician and got immediately. That was Friday. Dexter cooperated and screamed the whole time we were at the Dr. People in the waiting room looked on in horror/sympathy and asked "how long has he been doing that?" Others have said, "I've been around a lot of infants and never heard one scream like that for that long." All things to make a new mom feel great about her abilities.

The Dr. diagnosed Dexter with a severe case of reflux. He isn't spitting up, but you can tell he is dealing with a lot of reflux that only comes up to his esophagus. The reason he never sleeps and can't be soothed is his little throat is on fire due to the acid wearing away the lining. It is so sad, but so hard for me. He refuses to sit in any of his seats, but then is only marginally happy in my arms. He will arch his back, make white-knuckled fists, grunt, stretch his legs out...anything but rest comfortably in my arms. He will go three feeding cycles sometimes before falling asleep, only to start waking up an hour later with grunts as he refluxes every 3-5min. I am so tired and emotionally I am a wreak. To hear your baby cry in pain for so long is killing me.

We want to see a specialist, but the waiting list is 6months long. We may get bumped up, but may not.

It is hard for me to not feel like something has been taken from us too. I won't have a special time with my first-born it feels like, as every second he is awake is painful for him. Each day there are usually only two 10-15min periods he is awake and peaceful - I savor them and try to enjoy them as much as possible. I thought we would have lots of sweet cuddle times and that I would be able to easily transition into life with a baby. After being on bed rest for so long I was really looking forward to the freedom of having him. This isn't the case and I am so sad...

Maybe the next blog will be more positive. I probably just need a little sleep.