I have really enjoyed other mom's birth stories, but never got around to writing out my experience with Dexter. I was probably distracted by reflux and all the new challenges a first time mom faces. But, this time around, I want to share Maxwell's birth story. For both Dexter and Maxwell I gave birth with midwives without any interventions. This really effected how the births progressed and my experience (obviously!), so I thought I would let you know how I got to this place.
I didn't just wake up and think, "today I want to feel as much pain as possible when I give birth". In fact, it was really a gradual process that led me to the midwives and then to embracing an intervention-free (well, as much as possible) labor.
I had my regular appointment with my OB/GYN before I got pregnant with Dexter and began to feel uneasy with his office and bedside manner. He moved to a new office building and the exam rooms we filled with posters of elective, cosmetic procedures. Hmmm. This is not the time I want to feel bad about my appearance. Then, as I began to ask him questions about areas of concern, he brushed me aside totally telling me I couldn't believe everything the internet said. Totally agreed, that's why I was there asking him to clarify. Instead of answering, he just tried to make me feel uninformed and unintelligent. His manner was so off-putting, I knew I never wanted to deliver a baby with him and began my search for a new OB.
I began to ask around, but most women I knew hadn't had babies yet or had pretty bad birth experiences. I found it difficult as you had to basically choose a doctor based on someone elses recommendation. By the time you saw the doctor yourself, you weren't really in a place to try them and then move on if you didn't like them. You either were pregnant and needed consistent care, or you only went in once a year.
This is when I began to think I wanted to find an OB who was at least open to the idea of a natural birth. I was by no means sold that I wanted to give birth that way, but I figured if I found someone open to it they would be slower to perform some of the harsher interventions my friends experienced. At the time my friends had experienced rushed inducements that led to fetal distress and emergency c-sections, fourth degree episiotomies (yes...I said FOURTH) because the doctor on call wanted to go home for Thanksgiving lunch, and other unpleasant birth experiences.
All of this led me to fear interventions more than the pain of labor. I figured labor has a set beginning and end, but the harm from interventions that go wrong could be much more far reaching.
So, here I was calling OBs and speaking to their nurses. When I asked if they supported natural birth the nurses all said "no". I thought this was telling. I could go in and the doctor may say yes to me, figuring I'd change my mind, but the nurses know if anyone actually ends up giving birth that way. I called the one OB I found online who had great reviews and the nurses said yes, she supported natural birth, but no, she wasn't taking new patients. What to do...well, they recommended the midwives who worked in the same office as this OB.
Midwives? That freaked me out. I didn't know anything about them. I was at the end of the line though, so decided to check them out for that year's exam. This time the exam room wasn't papered with cosmetic procedures, but instead pictures of moms and new babies and thank you notes to the midwives raving about how wonderful their birth experience was. I saw Theodora and she spent an HOUR with me telling me about their philosophy of care, what to expect, and answering all of my questions with respect. It was just what I wanted, I felt loved, safe, and respected in mind and body.
So, now I began to research what this natural labor was all about. I watched the
Business of Being Born on netflix a few times and the best thing about that movie was I realized there was more to natural birth than just pain and horror. Now, I am not the bravest of people when it comes to pain (ask any of my family members how much I complain about paper cuts or other minor pain), but the more I learned through books, classes, and other women, I began to think I might actually be able to do this.
We hit a snag with pre-term labor at 24 weeks (my body didn't do what I had hoped it would), but that was when the beauty of this midwife practice really kicked in. I was under the more conservative care of the midwives, but was admitted to Texas Childrens/St. Lukes and had all the wonderful care there when my body stepped out of what was "normal". Thankfully all went well and I was able to give birth with both Dexter and Maxwell without interventions. I wanted to give birth with women I trusted 100%, in a calm atmosphere, with the support of OBs and others should I need them.
I know and fully believe that there are real and good reasons to be induced, to have a c-section, or other interventions...but for me the fear of having these forced on me when they weren't really needed was more frightening than the temporary pain of labor. This isn't the case for all women. The way we give birth is often out of our control and one particular way of giving birth doesn't make you a "better" mom in any shape or form! This was the way I chose, due to several small steps along the way, but it isn't everyone's cup of tea.
Through giving birth naturally I have learned so much about myself and it has even effected other areas of my life. But, more on that after I share my birth story...
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