Mother's Day 2012

Mother's Day 2012.  Wow.  This year I am a mother to TWO children.  It is such an honor and such a huge responsibility knowing that I am the person that has the biggest effect on their future.  Will they rise up and call me blessed, or will they go to counseling to undo all the mistakes I made/will make?  I am sure it will be some combination of the two!

Each year the "kids" write me a poem for Mother's Day, and this year Sander surprised me by writing it on the mat surrounding a picture we took at Thanksgiving.  Dexter drew each member of our family around the edge and I love it more than words can say!

This year I want to share a few lists with you, but first I have to share the day that I first became a mom.

May 10th, 2009 was Mother's Day and I gave birth to my first baby boy at 2:00pm.  It was the perfect first Mothers' day present!  Thank you for coming into my life and completely turning everything on its head.  You have changed me for the better and I am so thankful for you!

And this is the day after I gave birth to my second baby boy.  He is the baby who has added so much happiness to our family.  We had no idea that we were capable of loving two babies as much as we do, but with your arrival in our life, the love has just grown and grown!

Now for those lists.

Before I had children, here were the things I loved and valued most:

• Sleep!  Any and all sleep!  Sleeping in was sleeping for 10+ hours and I loved every second of it.
• Vacations!  I loved travelling with Sander, and we sure did a lot of in our early years of marriage.
• Leisurely Saturday mornings of brunch, Wait! Wait! Don't Tell me and naps.
• House projects.  Sander and I loved fixing up our old house together.  He was the mastermind and I was the creative director.
• Spending time with friends.  Going out last minute for a late dinner was no big deal and we did it all the time.

Now, those were just a few of the things that we did that made me "happy".  When Dexter was still in utero, these came to a sharp halt.  There was no slow detox phase -- I had to give all of them up cold turkey.  Not only did I have to learn to be a mom for the first time, I also had to care for a sensitive baby with severe reflux.  At the time, and even until recently, there was part of me that was still mourning the loss of that list above, especially sleep.

But I am finally coming to the realization that the list of things that I love and value now so far outweighs the first list that I have just been wasting time feeling sad for myself.  I had to share this list for myself just as much as with whoever is reading.  They may seem like small, meaningless things, but these things have brought more joy to my life than all the places I have every travelled or all the money I have ever earned.  I want to remember these tiny moments always.

What I love and value now that I am a mom:

• The weight of my baby's tired head resting on my shoulder when only I can comfort him
• The way that your face lit up as you came to chose me as your friend to help pass out muffins at your 3rd Montessori birthday.  This will probably be the last year you choose me over your friends.
• The way you tell your dad that the baby is probably crying "because mommy isn't there to watch over him".
• The way my baby plays with my fingers and holds me so tight when I go and nurse him at night.
• The way your face lights up with joy when I spin you around on the grass and you ask for me to do it again, and again, and again, and again.
• The way that little errands around town become adventures through your eyes.
• The way a donut on Saturday morning makes your whole weekend a party
• The way you remember to pray for people and things I have never brought up
• The way you love to listen to the Beatles, especially Hey Jude, and the way you make up new lyrics, just like your Daddy does.
• The way you have humbled me.  There is no way to look like I have it all together when I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in a row for months, or when I have perpetual snot/spit/spit-up stains on my shirt. 
• The way your eyes look straight through appearances.  You don't care what people say, you care what they do, so you constantly remind me to be a person who's actions speak louder than my words.
• There are days I have no idea what to do!  You bring me to the end of myself quicker than anything else in the world, so I have to look to God as I just can't make it alone.

Dexter and Maxwell, thank you for being challenging, for being dramatic, for being feisty, for being hilarious, and for being sensitive.  You defy the books and make me look to the Lord and pray like I have never prayed before.  I love you from the bottom of my heart. 

You have wrecked my life, and I am forever grateful.